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Changes... 

Asha Frost - Sunday, March 09, 2014

I have just recovered through 3 weeks of pneumonia and the lessons are huge. They always are.  For some reason, this struggle with my health was different.  I knew it was coming for a long time and knew that I had to make changes.  The biggest change was weaning my son.  And I resisted it every step of the way for reasons that I won't go into here too deeply.  But it all boiled down to not being enough.  Not having enough milk, not having enough tissue to produce milk and therefore feeling immense shame.  So I overcompensated.  I gave and gave and gave until I physically could not give anymore. 

 

You'd think I would have learned by now.  But adding a baby into the mix really shakes things up.  He is my biggest teacher, pushing me to love myself more, to put myself first, to set boundaries.  And unfortunately, it took me getting sick to really get it this time.  Next time will be better.  It always is.  After all, isn't this how we grow and learn?  Sometimes we do need to fall into the darkness so that we can transmute pain into wisdom. 

 

In the past three weeks, this is what I've learned. 

 

1.  Nursing a baby on demand through day and night and not sleeping for 2 years is not good for your health.  You might end up with pneumonia.

 

2.  Even though it's not good for you.  You will still be devastated when it all ends.

 

3.  Toddlers are fine with change.  Me, not so much.

 

4.  Bone broth heals all wounds.

 

5.  So does chocolate.

 

6.  Apple sauce is a great replacement for toddlers wanting milk in the middle of the night and ensures a full night of sleep.

 

7.  Illness and pain are amazing teachers and sometimes pharmaceutical drugs are necessary.

 

8.  A hospital stay really cements your life lessons into your being.

 

9.  You can never send yourself enough love, compassion, gentleness or kindness.  When in doubt, send yourself more.

 

10.  Never underestimate the power of your body to heal itself.  Miraculous things are happening in our cells every second of the day.  Connect to the magic and your body will respond.

 

As I sit here today, I reflect back on these last three weeks and I am grateful.  For I have healed through shame, disappointment, sadness and grief.  I am remembering that I am beautiful, lovable and worthy.  And I can say these things and actually feel them.  For the love for myself is growing, the deer medicine expanding in my heart, in my cells.  Mother Earth holding me in her sacred soil reminding me that I am goddess and light.  I will shine again.  In fact, it's starting already...A. xo

 

 

 

 

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