Asha Frost - Friday, April 20, 2012

Baby Kai is now "officially" 1 week over due based on the doctor's estimations, which basically means, well, nothing in my opinion.  It is simply an estimation and although I am so ready to meet this precious soul, I have had so much healing and insight come to me in this week of "waiting".  


The statistics say that fewer than 5% of babes actually come on their due date, so aside from my frequent washroom visits, I am in a place of peace and joy about it all.  Now, if you know me well, I am a very "go with the flow and trust that everything is going to work out" type of person, which seems to trigger lots of interesting comments from observers.


I've had the "you can't be pregnant forever!" and " aren't you worried about him getting too big?" and "well, do you really want a c-section?" just to name a few comments.  And I take these comments openly into my heart as it challenges me to re-examine my beliefs about the miraculous workings of our bodies. 


2 years ago a Rheumatologist specializing in high risk pregnancies told that he was "giving me the big red light" on trying to have a baby.  That my body could not sustain a pregnancy, that my Lupus antibodies were too high and there was no way that I could try to have a baby.  Let's just say that I did not go back to see him, however I was thinking about those comments this week and how miraculous our bodies are.


It is a divine miracle that my body could conceive this baby, it is a divine miracle that my body has created this perfect soul.  And it will be a divine miracle when he and my body work together to decide the perfect time to come.  Truly. This week has shown me just how much I do trust in my body's inherent wisdom and grace.  It has shown me that no matter how many times the word "induction" is said, that I can look into my heart and know that this is not the way, for me.  And that is perfect.


Something that occurred to me today is how my healing has come full circle in this week of patiently waiting.  If you have read some of my other posts, I have spoken about my wounding around not "doing enough" and how I have pushed myself endlessly to work harder, to speed up - never allowing myself the rest I deserved.  Well, baby Kai has given me this precious gift.  An extra week to rest, his wee spirit saying "Mom, what's the rush?"  A similar message given to me years ago is now coming back through this beautiful baby of mine.  I am so blessed.


I found this poem today that I thought was so beautiful and wanted to share it:




Dear Baby, here beneath my heart,

I thought you might come today;

the timing seemed just right.


But the stars are out

And the moon is high

And sheepishly I wonder why

I try to arrange the plans

Of God


For now I know

You will not come

Until the one who holds eternity

Rustles your soft cocoon

And whispers in tones that I will not hear,

"It's time, precious gift."


Now it's time.


Robin Jones Gunn


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